If you scroll through the Internet or sit in a modern university lecture hall, you’d be forgiven for thinking the British invented conquest. We talk about the British Empire like it was a unique evil; a singular, vampire-like event where white guys in pith helmets showed up, stole everything not nailed down, and ruined the vibes for eternity.

And sure, the British were ruthless. They were the ultimate corporate raiders. But if we are going to have a serious conversation about who was the most effective colonizer in human history, who actually succeeded in the project of colonization, the British don’t even crack the top tier. They were amateurs with good navies.

The British were landlords. The Arabs were “architects.”

The British Model: The Slumlord Millionaire

Let’s look at the British scoreboard. At their peak, they controlled a quarter of the planet’s land area. Impressive. But what was the nature of that control? It was purely transactional.

The British Empire was essentially a gloriously aggressive Amazon fulfillment center. They wanted resources, strategic ports, and markets. They didn’t really care if a farmer in Punjab worshipped Shiva or Allah, as long as the tax revenue hit London on time and he didn’t join a mutiny.

Because of this, the British Empire was wide but shallow. They coated the world in a thin veneer of “Britishness.” They left behind cricket, the English language, and the concept of “queueing,” but they failed at the ultimate colonial goal: assimilation.

They also did a terrible job at administration. The British knew they were bad at this, which is why their exit strategy was usually “draw a line on a map and run away.” Look at the Radcliffe Line in India and Pakistan, drawn by Sir Cyril Radcliffe, a British lawyer who had never even been to India before he was given five weeks to bisect 88 million people. Or look at the Sykes-Picot Agreement, where two diplomats with pencils divided the Middle East into states that cut straight through ethnic and religious communities. They didn’t build nations; they built fight clubs that are still burning today.

But after everything they’ve done, when they left India, the Indians were still Indians. When they left Nigeria, the Nigerians were still Nigerians. The British colonized the map, but they couldn’t colonize the identity. They were evicted.

The Arab Model: The Total System Overwrite

Now, let’s look at the Arab conquests of the 7th and 8th centuries.

Before 632 AD, “The Arab World” was… the Arabian Peninsula. That’s it. Egypt was Coptic and Greek. The Levant (Israel/Jordan/Lebanon/Palestine/Syria) was Aramaic, Jewish, and Greek. North Africa was Berber, Roman, and Vandal. Persia was… well, Persian.

Then the armies of the Caliphates moved in like a damn tsunami. But unlike the Brits, they didn’t just bring tax collectors; they brought a new operating system for human existence.

This wasn’t just a change of management; it was a factory reset. Over a few centuries, the languages of these regions were slowly strangled and replaced by Arabic. Islam largely replaced the local religions. But most importantly, the ethnic identity was overwritten.

Today, if you ask a guy in Cairo who he is, he will likely say “I am an Arab.” He won’t say “I am a Copt whose ancestors were conquered.” The colonization was so successful that the colonized population eventually identified as the colonizer.

That is a level of psychological victory the Brits never even dreamed of. The British Empire created subjects; the Arab Empire created Arabs.

The “Savage” Control Group: Why The Others Don’t Count

“But wait!” I hear you screaming from your gaming chair. “What about the Mongols? What about the Persians??”

Sit down. Let’s look at the amateurs.

The Mongols: The Murder Hobos

Sure, the Mongols killed more people. If you judge a colonizer by body count, Genghis Khan is the undisputed GOAT. He killed so many people (approx. 40 million by some sources) that he actually cooled the Earth’s climate by letting forests grow back over the dead farmland. That’s not colonization; that’s aggressive environmentalism. But the Mongols were a hurricane. They destroyed everything, raped everyone, and then… vanished. They had no culture to export. They won the war but lost the peace, eventually getting absorbed by the people they conquered.

The Persians: The Federal Government of Antiquity

Then you have the Achaemenid Persians. These guys held the Guinness World Record, controlling 44% of the human population at their peak. But they were the “Middle Managers” of history. Their strategy was the “Golden Cage.” They didn’t care about your God, your language, or your feelings. They just wanted you to pay your taxes and use their postal service. They were the first globalists; tolerant, efficient, and boring as hell. They didn’t colonize your soul; they just audited your wallet.

The Modern Epilogue: When the Colonizer Is Being Colonized

But here is the ultimate punchline that history saved for last: The British failed to hold onto Arab lands, but the Arabs are currently doing a fantastic job of taking over British ones.

Some countries are not afraid to go against political correctness. Look at Poland and Hungary. They watched the disaster unfold in Denmark, France, Germany, and the UK and decided to shut the door. They most likely didn’t know why they did it at first, but after seeing the outcome elsewhere, they are 100% sure they did the right thing. And they are absolutely correct. If Muslim Arabs (yes, non-Muslim Arabs exist) settle in your country, region, or your neighborhood, it is often for one reason: they firmly believe that they are tasked to nicely spread the word of their God when they don’t have much power, and then enforce Sharia law by any means the moment they have enough power. They aren’t accustomed to or integrated into any other culture; they absorb it into themselves.

Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe that power lies in diversity, but that equation only holds up when all sides actually believe in diversity. In this case, the other side is playing by a completely different rulebook. The Arab world demands “inclusivity” in the West while running the most exclusive ethnostates on the planet at home.

Try getting citizenship in Qatar, the UAE, or Saudi Arabia. Go ahead, try. Sure, they might sell you a “Golden Visa” if you’re a millionaire, but don’t confuse a premium rental agreement with ownership. It doesn’t matter if you live there for 20 years, speak perfect Arabic, and build their entire economy; you will never be “one of them.” You are a temporary guest who may be deported at any time, for any reason. They know exactly how to strictly protect their identity and borders; they just rely on you being too guilty and “tolerant” to protect yours.

The British Empire collapsed because it refused to integrate. The Arab model doesn’t have that problem, because they don’t integrate; they absorb. They bring the system to you. We see this everywhere. In the UK, Pakistani communities continue their traditions even after generations. One of them is the practice of marrying their first cousins, a tradition that results in a statistically higher rate of birth defects in those communities. You already know I can’t stand blind adherence to “tradition,” as I’ve voiced my concern before, but while they think they’re winning the culture war, they’re losing to simple biology.

Look at the stats. Muslims are now roughly 6.5% of the UK population, but they account for 18% of the prison population as of the time of writing this article. That is a market share in criminality that would make a Victorian gangster blush. In London, they are 15% of the population, and the Mayor is Muslim.

Walk into a Tesco in East London, and you’ll see the “Clash of Civilizations” in the meat aisle: Halal meat is often locked up in security cases because it keeps getting shoplifted by the “pious” demographic. Meanwhile, the pork chops are sitting there completely unsecured. If you eat bacon, you are statistically the most trustworthy customer in the store.

The British went to the Middle East for oil and got kicked out. The Arabs came to London for the benefits system and are settling in for the long haul. The British colonized the land; the Arabs are colonizing the neighborhood.

The Warning Label: Read the History

If the British (or any Westerner) actually opened a history book, they’d realize this isn’t a new phenomenon; it’s a 1,400-year-old algorithm. Historians know it as the difference between the “Meccan” and “Medinan” phases of Islam. When the movement began in Mecca, it was small and weak, preaching tolerance. It had to since it was in survival mode. But the moment they moved to Medina and got the numbers, the strategy updated instantly from “peaceful coexistence” to “total conquest.” The strategy is brutal and undefeated: Incubate -> Multiply -> Dominate. The West, to remain politically correct, is currently experiencing the “Incubate” phase transition into “Multiply” in real-time, fooling themselves into thinking the “Dominate” phase isn’t coming. It is.

The Verdict

We give the British a hard time because their empire is fresh in our memory. We have photos of it. It feels like a crime.

The Arab conquests, however, are treated as “history.” We view them as a natural geologic shift, like the movement of tectonic plates. But make no mistake: it was an imperial project of epic proportions.

The difference? The British went home. The Arabs made it their home, and now, they’re making your home their home too.

So, who’s the biggest, most successful, most influential colonizer? The British rented the world for a century or two. The Arabs bought the building, renovated it, and put their name on the deed.

Credit Where It’s Due: The historical research data was gathered with the help of Google Gemini. The image was generated by the author using Nano Banana Pro.