The truth about unnecessary redesigns, fake innovation, and the dipshits behind them.

Let’s talk about the designers, the product managers, and the middle-management tech goblins who keep redesigning shit that didn’t need redesigning. Have you ever opened an app you used to love and suddenly it’s all “modern,” but now it takes 12 taps to do something that used to take 2? That, my friend, is the work of some User Interface (UI)/User Experience (UX) dipshits trying to justify their job.

See, this phenomenon plagues the modern tech world; I like to call it Job Justification Theater. These people aren’t improving anything. They’re not solving problems. They’re fucking creating problems. Why? Because if everything’s working, then they’re out of a job. You don’t need a UX overhaul if the users are happy. You don’t need a new color palette if the old one didn’t suck. But you do need a reason to look busy when the CEO walks by, or when it’s time to show off your “quarterly impact” at the all-hands meeting.

Let’s be clear: most of these clowns couldn’t design a toaster without screwing up the heat dial. But they’ll still tell you that Instagram needs to “simplify the navigation flow” or that Figma needs a more collaborative onboarding experience.” Translation? They’re changing shit because they have nothing else to do. It’s busywork with a Figma license.

And God forbid some actual users complain. Does that matter? These fuckers will run an A/B test with a sample size of 11, pick the version that looks more “innovative,” and roll it out to everyone. Then they gaslight you in the release notes: “We’ve made some exciting improvements to enhance your experience!” Oh really? You mean you buried the logout button, added a pop-up every 5 seconds, and changed all the icons to line drawings that look like a toddler’s Etch A Sketch sketch.

Let’s not forget the PMs, the overpaid hall monitors of tech. These asshats wouldn’t know a good user experience if it hit them in the face with a sledgehammer made of user feedback. But they sure as hell know how to say things like “alignment,” “synergy,” and “user journeys” in a slide deck.

Here’s a dirty little secret: most apps were already fine five years ago. Want to know why they’re worse now? Because a product designer with a meaningless job had to do something. So they redesigned the settings menu, moved buttons to different corners like it was fucking musical chairs, and called it an “iteration.”

Every one of these parasites is living in fear that someone will realize their entire role is just jerking off pixels. So they keep breaking good shit to tape it back together and call it progress. And the result? A never-ending cycle of confusion, frustration, and rage-clicking.

If we lived in a sane world, we’d fire half of them and leave the rest in a locked room with one button labeled “UNDO.” But no, we let them roam free in the digital ecosystem, wreaking havoc on functional interfaces like gremlins in a server farm.

And don’t even start pointing fingers at immigrants. You think these bullshit job holders came in on work visas? Think again. The overwhelming majority of these UI/UX clowns and PM mouthpieces are homegrown, domestic, blue-blooded corporate specimens. White, Asian, whatever, they’re not here to “steal jobs.” They already have them. And they’re wrecking shit from the inside. So don’t blame immigration for your favorite app getting turned into a usability dumpster fire. Blame the native-born, LinkedIn-certificate-waving cock jockeys who learned how to use Figma last week and now think they’re the second coming of Steve Jobs.

To all the UI/UX geniuses out there who keep fixing what ain’t broken:

Congratulations. You’re the reason we can’t have nice things.